_______ } } YOU LIVE INSIDE YOUR JESUS DREAM

[kamisama]

THE ticking of the clock was the only sound that crept through the thick silence, going unnoticed by my unconscious form for a time that was completely unknown for me. I didn't know how long I had been out, it seemed irrelevant. The only thing now registered was the dull ache seeping through every pore of my skin, throbbing with each, slow heartbeat. Skin was damp with perspiration, the trickles of the liquid sliding across my flesh, weaving through the contours of my temples before either vanishing into my hair or dampening was I supposed was a pillow under my head. I was used to pain, and this didn't exactly bother me. It was more so the last bits of memory I recall before going under. Why had I been attacked like that? Did... they do it? That was logical... Every sound in the home was amplified. The creaking of a loose shutter, the howl of the wind that stirred it... Each gust, and high pitched squeal bombarding my mind with a flurry of impulses that quickly had a headache welling up just behind the front of my skull. Dry, cracked lips were pressed together, fingers stirring against the sheets. Claws tore at the unfamiliar fabric, digging deep down into the mattress as muscles contracted, tearing the stuffing from within. Chest heaved upward as I sucked in a sharp breath, the lids covering my eyes flying open as I arched away from the platform with a shriek.

In a second I was animated, moving from a deep slumber to full awareness in a matter of moments. Form was slung from the bed and off onto the hardwood floors, yellow eyes peering around in the darkness with a distinct urgency, an obvious... fear. Inhales were short, breathed out in an irregular cadence that made me lightheaded and caused my vision to dim, this only adding to my panic. I tore through the bedroom, tiny, yet muscled form knocking over furniture rather than weaving around it as I tried to make some sense of this place. I reached the door, grasping the handle, trying to turn it but it was locked. Or was it? Was this in my head? Was I even really here? Pale fingers gripped the brass item tighter, shaking it violently, the wooden slab thrashing around in the frame making the most loud, obnoxious sound, near drowning out my screams that mingled with it. This was getting me no where, and I eyed the door with a crazed look, one matching a wild animal captured and cornered. I must get free. Feet shuffled across the polished floors as I shifted back, gauging my distance carefully until I was satisfied I'd have enough space to accumulate the force needed for my body to be thrown through the door. A breath was inhaled as I rocked my weight back, skin going taut as muscles coiled and tensed, jaw subsequently locked as teeth were gritted in sheer determination for the needed force. Exhaling, I lunged forward, only seeing a blur of my surroundings and the approaching door before everything went black.

Hidden in the shadows, burrowed back into the shallow opening that was the large ventilation opening of the room, I cowered and shook. Knees were drawn up tight, hugged against my chest as I rocked back and forth, peering from my hiding place with paranoid sweeps of my eyes. Every muscle quivered, each movement indefinite as I jumped and winced at the house noises. The sounds of a fan, dripping water, creaking shutters... all of it scared me. I was in a heightened state of awareness, that all things seemed more escalated in severity. Where was I? Who would do this to me? In my arms, a black mass of fur squirmed, the animal's eyes glinting in a fashion to match my own in the dank light. It crawled, its tiny paws gripping onto my injured arm, climbing up to perch one what was now my shattered right shoulder. I had managed in my fit to break it, and my jaw, my head tucked down against my chest, pressing my chin there to hold it firmly in place. It hurt, but pain now was no object. I shuddered as the rat stuck its nose against my ear, a rasping, hissing voice telling me all was going to be okay, registered faintly. I swallowed, soon exhaling, thick ruby liquid oozing out through my teeth as I nodded and tried to agree with the animal. I'll believe you, rat.

[° Rayna °]

It had been almost three days since I had committed my sin, three days of waiting and constant hovering over the bedside of my betrayed companion. It was ironic that the one who caused his suffering would be the one to tend his self inflicted wounds. No, they hadn’t come into being yet, but I knew Kamisama. Change was not his favorite past time. In fact the small man truly despised anything out of the practiced lifestyle. It made me question my own sanity. But the response came quickly to me – You aren’t insane. Just selfish. Breathing a ragged sigh, my glazed stare ticked in the general direction of the silently glaring alarm clock on my nightstand. Five thirty and I had not even dozed. Wasn’t it about time to give up on sleep and do something productive for a change? One might think so, but the stubborn woman who had made certain she got her way deserved this and she was going to suffer in silence. I was a little bit strange in my logic…but then I reasoned if my logic had been normal I wouldn’t be in this position. Oculi rolled at my own thoughts – troublesome things that they were.

Slipping out of the evidently mussed covers – evidence of my tossing and turning – I crept down the hall towards the stairwell and finally to the kitchen. Clothed in a pair of lounge pants and a hoody, the Boss looked far more like the Bum in this instance. Naturally I would conduct myself a little differently in the comfort of my own home. The fluent movement suggested military training of some kind or another, contradicting any sort of habitual thought in my actions. In short I was a robot, doing only what I knew to do. Bending to neatly arrange toast on the immaculate porcelain plate, I had just adjusted the geometrically cut pieces when a crash came to my attention. My back snapped upright and my skull clicked in the direction of the commotion. It was as if someone had flipped a switch. Two strides had me halfway out of the culinary area, four out the door and twenty to the guest house. My steps were more similar to bounds than anything. He’d finally woken up, and as predicted was doing more harm than help. Clearing my throat, I made myself halt before entering.

Taking a deep, slow inhale, articulations settled on the cold brass knob and turned. As the door swung open the chaotic scene came to me without shock or surprise registering on my features. I observed the fit after he came to once again. If I hadn’t witnessed his attempt at hiding it would have taken me a few minutes longer to reach him, but as he crept into the irritatingly tight quarters of the ventilation shaft, I trekked after him. I was only a couple steps from the entrance before I thought better of the idea. Having us both crunched in there would not be the definition of ideal. Sighing, I moved to righting the furniture that had been overturned and cleaning the shattered glass from the floor. It was in this manner that I calmed both myself and the atmosphere – his tension overwhelming but hopefully the placid state I was in would affect that paranoia. ”Doko desu ka?” It was murmured in my usual soft voice, the one he knew. The scent of his blood was slightly alarming, and I moved to the kitchen to retrieve bandages, a sling, a set, some alcohol and a needle. This was all the standard. I’d know what he needed once he surfaced.

If he didn’t I’d naturally go in after him. But sedation wasn’t really on my list of things to do. His senses were already messed up, toying with them would be torturous. While I did enjoy the occasional screaming fit, torturing a friend was somewhat less pleasurable. Glancing at the food and water dishes for his companion on the counter, I sighed and refilled them just to keep myself occupied as I waited. Moving to his bedroom, I made the bed and made certain there were towels and soaps for the shower he would need to take, assuming he was in any shape to bathe himself. Aaah, Kamisama. How will you learn to trust me again?

[kamisama]

THOUGH hidden, I still felt extremely insecure. The minutes that blended into hours ticked away unnoticed, my only movements being strangled breathing, the occasional twitch, and my constant stroking of my new pet rat. The injuries had long stopped bleeding as profusely, now only oozing with blood as black and thick as coffee grounds, the color accounting for the build up over the congealed liquid. The dull ache showed in my hollow look, amber eyes glazed with a thick film, almost lifeless as I huddled further into my hole. I hadn't even thought of Ray as I stowed myself away, only absorbed with a fear of the unknown, already having convinced myself this was something else's doing. My mind had completely concocted a different story, erasing the memory of her, and putting me in captives of some other force. So upon hearing someone enter the home, I froze up entirely. Eyes moved, shifting across the open hole to peer out into the expanse, only able to see but a wedge of the room beyond. I saw a shadow move along the flooring, optics narrowing to a defensive expression, broken jaw ignored as I bared my teeth. Vocals were initiated with soft, growling pants, each hissing exhale amplified by the tiny space I was in. Fingers were flexed and unflexed, chest heaving as my fear escalated, hearing the unknown being move ever closer to where I was hidden.

The murmur of the familiar language registered, features contorted with fear and rage momentarily twisting to a state of confusion. Nihongo? I had the slight inclination to move and see who was the owner of such a voice, wanting and hoping it was someone who wasn't the enemy. Weight was rocked, a palm set on the floor as I went to look, amber eyes hopeful and longing, but I stopped. A voice who's owner I was sure of was hissed into the momentary silence, filling the expanse with the sing-song, sarcastic words that previously had calmed all my worries. It's them, Kamisama. They're trying to trick you to feel safe. Don't let them get you, my sweet, don't let them. All hope drained from my face as I let the rat's words sink in, immediately pressing myself back up to the cold side of the ventilation shaft I was hidden within. I nodded to the animal, resuming my growling as it took station in the corner of the area, its tiny paws picking through its ebony fur at a leisurely pace. Leaping up from my seated position, I threw myself at the left end of my hiding place, thick claws embedded into the thin metallic siding. Broken jaw hung slack, pupils dilated as I screamed as loud as my bruised and broken tiny form would allow, arms thrown to the side, slashing and tearing at the slight metal. Perhaps in some strange way, this clicked in my mind that it would scare off any attacker, hoping they'd hear my blood curdling screams and choose the wiser course - leaving me alone. This being done, I planned my escape, knowing I couldn't leave my hiding place, but I could vanish further. Muscles tensed and coiled, momentum thrown upward as I scaled the dark expanse that stretched on up and into the attic. Left, right, straight ahead.

[° Rayna °]

The fact that Kami was frightened was not new to me. I knew he would be from the moment I had first contemplated the idea. Though at the time I never dreamed I would follow the scheme through. And yet here we were. He in a drafty ventilation shaft and I laying out the necessities for cleaning up his obvious injuries. The scrambling sounds he was making were not promising, and as I leant idly against the door jam of the hallway I frowned reticently. I was honestly concerned about my small companion. Clearly he suffered from mental issues, then again so did I. Mine were simply more conventional.

There were many who I had had to convince into doing as I saw best. Daemon Ryker was an excellent example of such a soul, but only after I had become human to him would he acquiesce and do as I asked. Naturally I had assumed that Daemon was slightly more stable and definitely more certain of himself than my true friend who I had harmed myself. It was an illegal action, a crime I had committed for my benefit alone. That’s right Rayna. He’s suffering because of you. Flinching away from the idea, I breathed a ragged sigh and began to move towards the entrance.

The scent of him was faint and so I assumed he wasn’t just within but further into the intricate tunnels. Slightly disgruntled at the prospect of climbing through such small quarters and then likely having to drag him out backwards, I paused before beginning to stealthily move into the premises. It took great effort to make very little sound – every move I made wanted to echo off the tin walls. That was yet another source of frustration but then again this was no more than I deserved, I mused to myself grimly.

He was ascending. It was obvious by the screeching sound of his talons digging into the siding as leverage to bring his figure up through the tunnels – towards the attic. It would have been far easier to slide back out the way I had come and just meet him up there. I’d probably appear more professional that way, a little less disheveled. But unfortunately I could not guarantee he would end up in the attic despite his current direction. Oculi rolled at just how frivolous this whole ordeal was. Why I wasn’t self sufficient I would never know. But something about Craven vanishing when his wife, not even an ex wife, as I had learned, arrived had set me off and ruined my logic.

Presently I was somewhat stoic. Somewhat removed from any sort of emotion beyond my frustration. I could not let myself fall into the delusion that I wasn’t going to be okay. Not again. This wasn’t hopeless. This was my life. If I happened to end up alone so be it. As I alighted, slender articulations fitting lightly in the jagged holes that his claws had ripped, I used the incisions like a ladder, barely fitting the toe of my boot into the crevices but managing all the same. It was dark, but that hardly mattered – cat eyes.

”Kamisama!” I whispered softly, almost pleading with him not to make this worse. Fortunately enough for me, my actions took less effort – he was paving my journey and leaving a fine trail despite exactly how loud his motion was on my sensitive lobes. His shrieks making my ears ring and my temples throb, but I would not be thwarted. This was ridiculous. All of my own doing.

Cursing my idiocy, I ventured up and after him, breathing through my nostrils to aid stealth. Frankly I was just going to have to follow him up to the attic and deal with him there. Anything in this darkness would result in harm to both of us – well further harm in his case. My course depended solely on his motion and where the ladder led me, glad I had tugged the ebony tendrils back from my face though a crimson thread or two had slid loose of the hair tie and impeded my vision occasionally, it was much easier this way than with the whole head of hair to be draping in my way every time I turned my head a certain way. How exactly did I get here anyway? Wasn’t the world supposed to be bright and shiny? Oh wait. No that was Disney’s idea.